Why Are You Avoiding Application Feedback?
Getting feedback on your selection criteria is great...until it's not. Avoiding geting application feedback, is a sign of something going on within you. Its a symptom of a well rehearsed unconscious pattern firing off in your nervous system. It is a voice in your head that is keeping you safe. Safe from ridicule, judgement etc. Asking for feedback after an unsuccessful application brings up lots of stories for us. See if you notice yourself in any of the following.
Asking for feedback is basically asking for help. You are not in the driver's seat of the interaction, unlike being in your classroom where you are in charge. Requesting assistance can feel like a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you can't do it by yourself, and although you logically know that that is a ridiculous thought to have, you're brain is still telling you that you should be able to get it right with out any help. Other people seem to, so why can't you.
You have put in so much time and effort into the application. It meant time away from family and friends, time not spent doing what you love and now you're even more behind in your to do list, and for what?! It didn't get you anywhere. You're still doing the same job as before, with no end in sight.
Feeling not good enough
Applying for a role is like throwing your 'hat in the ring'. You have put yourself out there. You're name and your leadership stories are in the mix. That application is the best representation of you, and it wasn't good enough to get you the role. Someone or a group of people, have decided that your selection criteria isn't good enough. That you aren't good enough for the role and their school.
Seeking selection criteria feedback becomes yet another piece of evidence that your brain can use to reaffirm the deep seeded belief you have of not being good enough.
You wanted that job. You could see yourself doing that role. It's not like you are applying for every single promotion out there; you are targeted in the roles you apply for. Perhaps, you have been working towards this one specific role for what feels like forever. Now, it's someone else's, and not yours.
Asking for feedback feels like you'd be rubbing your face in you own failure. It solidifies that the thing you wanted, will not be yours.
So how do you move past the feelings of vulnerability, resentment, not good enough and grief? It starts with acknowledgement of these feelings and then self compassion. This is not the first time you've had these thoughts. They are patterns that have replaying from years of experience.
Rewiring these patterns needs time but it doesn't have to be hard. Because these thoughts come up from the subconscious level, that's where you need to go to start making changes. As a leader and practitioner of mutliple mindset modalities, I bring together mindset and mentoring.